F is visiting again. Met him in the bazaar before dragging him off to a hotel. He didn't struggle much. He sleeps better out of his combat clone. Enough better to stay the night. He woke up once, shivering, but knew where he was. That he was with me. It's nice to be the strong one sometimes. To hold him when he needs it.
Been thinking about something C said. About being ready to do the things you want to happen. If you want to eat meat, you need to know the cost, and maybe pay the cost. If you want someone to fight pirates, maybe you need to be prepared to fight pirates. F said he wants me to be able to defend myself, not necessarily to hunt pirates. Maybe that's a compromise?
F told me there wasn't anyone else, that he is all mine. I guess he thought I needed the reassurance. Maybe I did. It was nice to be told.
He's doing well in his classes. He'll graduate sometime soon. Maybe he'll move back to Heimatar. I'd like that.
111.11.24
F is back at school.
He was definitely more relaxed. Piloting is good for him. Hope he can go a week with no nightmares.
Maybe next time I'll visit him.
He was definitely more relaxed. Piloting is good for him. Hope he can go a week with no nightmares.
Maybe next time I'll visit him.
111.11.20
He's back! In a jump clone. And he can talk properly!
I think a jump clone is good for him. He doesn't seem so tense, even around C.
He doesn't have to be back at school for a couple of days. Good.
I think a jump clone is good for him. He doesn't seem so tense, even around C.
He doesn't have to be back at school for a couple of days. Good.
111.11.18
I'm not going to pine. I'm going to do stuff.
Sold a bunch of minerals in Hedal. Nice profit.
I went to the bazaar and tried to sell jewelery. Nobody bought anything, but it was nice being there. Eating Koftes and watching the crowd.
Sold a bunch of minerals in Hedal. Nice profit.
I went to the bazaar and tried to sell jewelery. Nobody bought anything, but it was nice being there. Eating Koftes and watching the crowd.
111.11.14
F left today. He's gone to pilot school. I got to hug him goodbye, and hardly cried at all.
It'll probably be at least two weeks before I get to see him again. He'll be learning new things and meeting new people. He might not even have time to miss me.
I did two trips to Jita today. I had lots of time to miss him.
It'll probably be at least two weeks before I get to see him again. He'll be learning new things and meeting new people. He might not even have time to miss me.
I did two trips to Jita today. I had lots of time to miss him.
111.11.12
Went to apologise to F. He said I didn't need to. That when I needed something of him, I had the right. He called me his sweetheart.
He's going away in a couple of days, and I don't know when I'll see him again. I wanted to tell him how I feel. Couldn't find the right words. He told me he knew, and that I knew how he felt. I'm worried about losing him, but he told me I wouldn't.
He sat me on his knee and held me for hours. It felt safe.
He's going away in a couple of days, and I don't know when I'll see him again. I wanted to tell him how I feel. Couldn't find the right words. He told me he knew, and that I knew how he felt. I'm worried about losing him, but he told me I wouldn't.
He sat me on his knee and held me for hours. It felt safe.
111.11.11
I went to see C. Asked her why she told F he was a charity case. She says he wouldn't go to pilot school if she didn't push him, and it wouldn't be good for him to watch her die. C said he'd already paid so much for her, dying, remembering dying, the experiments V did on him. But it's like she doesn't think he can make his own decisions.
Because she thinks he's in love with her. I suspected that once, but F said no.
I think maybe she loves him back, a little bit. And she wants him to not think she's so great when she finally dies, so he doesn't pine after her.
Maybe she wants him not to like her so much because she's trying to be nice to me.
It hurts, and I'm confused. I want to be angry with C, but I think she hurts too. She really is trying to do the right thing.
I went round to F's place afterward. I wanted to feel better - to feel like he's mine.
I have to apologise to him.
Because she thinks he's in love with her. I suspected that once, but F said no.
I think maybe she loves him back, a little bit. And she wants him to not think she's so great when she finally dies, so he doesn't pine after her.
Maybe she wants him not to like her so much because she's trying to be nice to me.
It hurts, and I'm confused. I want to be angry with C, but I think she hurts too. She really is trying to do the right thing.
I went round to F's place afterward. I wanted to feel better - to feel like he's mine.
I have to apologise to him.
111.11.10
F mailed me. He's moved. He's got his own place. Not very nice, but it's his.
C told him she didn't want to keep supporting him as a charity case, so he quit. He's hurt, but putting on a brave face.
She told me once she owed him. That she'd always owe him; for dying for her, and getting damaged trying to save her. It doesn't seem fair. She's dying. All he wants is to wait until she's gone, so he can pay his respects.
He's been accepted for pilot training, and he won a scholarship based on his test scores. Now he's not working for C, he's decided to go soon, so might be gone in a few days.
But I'll see him again soon. KK like him, so they'll let him have a jump clone almost straight away.
And it's worth the trip. F reminded me.
C told him she didn't want to keep supporting him as a charity case, so he quit. He's hurt, but putting on a brave face.
She told me once she owed him. That she'd always owe him; for dying for her, and getting damaged trying to save her. It doesn't seem fair. She's dying. All he wants is to wait until she's gone, so he can pay his respects.
He's been accepted for pilot training, and he won a scholarship based on his test scores. Now he's not working for C, he's decided to go soon, so might be gone in a few days.
But I'll see him again soon. KK like him, so they'll let him have a jump clone almost straight away.
And it's worth the trip. F reminded me.
111.11.08
Met C in the Bazaar. Helmi was with her. C said I should get some more security. I asked if I had a security team would they have let me talk to F? Helmi said no.
I'll be careful, but I will not miss out on the good things because I'm scared of the bad things.
She warned me about a man called Vikarion. V has been experimenting on a copy of Cia, clone jumping himself into her old body. He's crazy. She said I should be careful and get away if I met someone who looked like C who didn't know me.
I asked if this was the man who experimented on F. C said yes.
If I see him, I'll know what to do.
I'll be careful, but I will not miss out on the good things because I'm scared of the bad things.
She warned me about a man called Vikarion. V has been experimenting on a copy of Cia, clone jumping himself into her old body. He's crazy. She said I should be careful and get away if I met someone who looked like C who didn't know me.
I asked if this was the man who experimented on F. C said yes.
If I see him, I'll know what to do.
111.11.04
F's birthday yesterday. Invited him to formal breakfast in hotel suite.
Was wearing lots of clothes. Let him take them off slowly. Page 34 of C's book says build up can make it better.
Was back in my original body. Wanted it to be special. Had to explain why. Men.
After first time, shared big bath. He rubbed my feet in the bath. Talked a lot. Very romantic.
Impressed with F's stamina and what book calls "recovery time". Is 6 times in one day a lot?
Had two rooms booked in suite. Invited him to stay. He looked nervous. Said yes. Locked his door. He woke me up this morning. Very nice. I like waking up with him.
Was wearing lots of clothes. Let him take them off slowly. Page 34 of C's book says build up can make it better.
Was back in my original body. Wanted it to be special. Had to explain why. Men.
After first time, shared big bath. He rubbed my feet in the bath. Talked a lot. Very romantic.
Impressed with F's stamina and what book calls "recovery time". Is 6 times in one day a lot?
Had two rooms booked in suite. Invited him to stay. He looked nervous. Said yes. Locked his door. He woke me up this morning. Very nice. I like waking up with him.
111.11.1
F called me, asked to meet. He was talking to the blooder lady when I showed up. Warning her off from talking to me.
Took him back to my place again. Was worried about whether he'd still be interested - silly, he was definitely interested. He accidentally ripped my shirt getting it off me. Then got all scared to touch me again. I got to touch him instead.
Must thank C for lending me that book.
Took him back to my place again. Was worried about whether he'd still be interested - silly, he was definitely interested. He accidentally ripped my shirt getting it off me. Then got all scared to touch me again. I got to touch him instead.
Must thank C for lending me that book.
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