111.12.31

Doing work for C. She looks ill. She asked me to move stuff from Jita to Heimatar. Stuff worth a lot of isk.

It's nice to be trusted. It's important to be trustworthy. I get to fly past F's home.

111.12.24

Got job into warzone. Delivering Frigates and modules to Dal. Amamake wasn't as scary as I thought.

Decided to train for a Fenrir.

111.12.13

EM has joined the Tribal Liberation Front, and they need equipment moved.

Moving ships and equipment to Amo, for the War.

111.12.07

Started practicing shooting again. Want F to be proud of me.

Surprised F with a visit to Haajinen. It was his old body; the one with the wirings. F was V nervous, and more embarrassed about his talking than he was before I'd met him in his new clone. It's still F though. Still handsome. Still nice.

Went to a restaurant, and a walk. To see what the Home Guard station was like. He wanted me to like it I think. Mostly I liked walking with F.

Had hotel suite for weekend. F won't stay in same room in that clone. Still, it's nice to spend time. To talk, even if slowly. Maybe better slowly. Less small talk. More important stuff.

Left the jump clone in Haajinen. Jumped back to Heimatar. Now we can visit on weekends in either direction.

111.11.27

F is visiting again. Met him in the bazaar before dragging him off to a hotel. He didn't struggle much. He sleeps better out of his combat clone. Enough better to stay the night. He woke up once, shivering, but knew where he was. That he was with me. It's nice to be the strong one sometimes. To hold him when he needs it.

Been thinking about something C said. About being ready to do the things you want to happen. If you want to eat meat, you need to know the cost, and maybe pay the cost. If you want someone to fight pirates, maybe you need to be prepared to fight pirates. F said he wants me to be able to defend myself, not necessarily to hunt pirates. Maybe that's a compromise?

F told me there wasn't anyone else, that he is all mine. I guess he thought I needed the reassurance. Maybe I did. It was nice to be told.

He's doing well in his classes. He'll graduate sometime soon. Maybe he'll move back to Heimatar. I'd like that.

111.11.24

F is back at school.

He was definitely more relaxed. Piloting is good for him. Hope he can go a week with no nightmares.

Maybe next time I'll visit him.

111.11.20

He's back! In a jump clone. And he can talk properly!

I think a jump clone is good for him. He doesn't seem so tense, even around C.

He doesn't have to be back at school for a couple of days. Good.

111.11.18

I'm not going to pine. I'm going to do stuff.

Sold a bunch of minerals in Hedal. Nice profit.

I went to the bazaar and tried to sell jewelery. Nobody bought anything, but it was nice being there. Eating Koftes and watching the crowd.

111.11.14

F left today. He's gone to pilot school. I got to hug him goodbye, and hardly cried at all.

It'll probably be at least two weeks before I get to see him again. He'll be learning new things and meeting new people. He might not even have time to miss me.

I did two trips to Jita today. I had lots of time to miss him.

111.11.12

Went to apologise to F. He said I didn't need to. That when I needed something of him, I had the right. He called me his sweetheart.

He's going away in a couple of days, and I don't know when I'll see him again. I wanted to tell him how I feel. Couldn't find the right words. He told me he knew, and that I knew how he felt. I'm worried about losing him, but he told me I wouldn't.

He sat me on his knee and held me for hours. It felt safe.

111.11.11

I went to see C. Asked her why she told F he was a charity case. She says he wouldn't go to pilot school if she didn't push him, and it wouldn't be good for him to watch her die. C said he'd already paid so much for her, dying, remembering dying, the experiments V did on him. But it's like she doesn't think he can make his own decisions.

Because she thinks he's in love with her. I suspected that once, but F said no.

I think maybe she loves him back, a little bit. And she wants him to not think she's so great when she finally dies, so he doesn't pine after her.

Maybe she wants him not to like her so much because she's trying to be nice to me.

It hurts, and I'm confused. I want to be angry with C, but I think she hurts too. She really is trying to do the right thing.

I went round to F's place afterward. I wanted to feel better - to feel like he's mine.

I have to apologise to him.

111.11.10

F mailed me. He's moved. He's got his own place. Not very nice, but it's his.

C told him she didn't want to keep supporting him as a charity case, so he quit. He's hurt, but putting on a brave face.

She told me once she owed him. That she'd always owe him; for dying for her, and getting damaged trying to save her. It doesn't seem fair. She's dying. All he wants is to wait until she's gone, so he can pay his respects.

He's been accepted for pilot training, and he won a scholarship based on his test scores. Now he's not working for C, he's decided to go soon, so might be gone in a few days.

But I'll see him again soon. KK like him, so they'll let him have a jump clone almost straight away.

And it's worth the trip. F reminded me.

111.11.08

Met C in the Bazaar. Helmi was with her. C said I should get some more security. I asked if I had a security team would they have let me talk to F? Helmi said no.

I'll be careful, but I will not miss out on the good things because I'm scared of the bad things.

She warned me about a man called Vikarion. V has been experimenting on a copy of Cia, clone jumping himself into her old body. He's crazy. She said I should be careful and get away if I met someone who looked like C who didn't know me.

I asked if this was the man who experimented on F. C said yes.

If I see him, I'll know what to do.

111.11.05

I ache. A lot.

Hope F isn't too sore.

111.11.04

F's birthday yesterday. Invited him to formal breakfast in hotel suite.

Was wearing lots of clothes. Let him take them off slowly. Page 34 of C's book says build up can make it better.

Was back in my original body. Wanted it to be special. Had to explain why. Men.

After first time, shared big bath. He rubbed my feet in the bath. Talked a lot. Very romantic.

Impressed with F's stamina and what book calls "recovery time". Is 6 times in one day a lot?

Had two rooms booked in suite. Invited him to stay. He looked nervous. Said yes. Locked his door. He woke me up this morning. Very nice. I like waking up with him.

111.11.1

F called me, asked to meet. He was talking to the blooder lady when I showed up. Warning her off from talking to me.

Took him back to my place again. Was worried about whether he'd still be interested - silly, he was definitely interested. He accidentally ripped my shirt getting it off me. Then got all scared to touch me again. I got to touch him instead.

Must thank C for lending me that book.

111.10.31

Met F in bazaar. Took him home. Was saving it for his birthday, but he was very convincing.

I'm not sure what I expected. F was sweet. Very nice. Ruined it by bursting into tears. Just overwhelmed.

F left not long after. Didn't want to fall asleep again. Don't really blame him, but missed him anyway.

111.10.29

Corp cash approaching one billion. Now A.D. wants to buy a golem. HFR. Will have to keep tax rate up while he's working for Brutor Tribe to pay it back.

Have lots of stuff spread around Heimatar that I need to pick up sometime.

Still, can afford to sponsor restaurant for J if he does a good business plan.

111.10.26

Can't find A. Haven't seen her for weeks.

Met J in Bazaar. Talked some more. He's trapped working for a pirate. With a blooder on crew. He wants to be chef and run a restaurant.

Have offered to invest if he gets good business plan. Give him a way out.

Sometimes people need a way out.

111.10.23

Went to dinner at C's. Talked to Cami about business plans. Cami is very clever, but I think I showed her some new tricks.

Shouldn't have drank wine. Not used to it. Definitely shouldn't have drunk Sherry.

C said I should be friends with A. A's going to need friends.

F walked me back to my ship. I wanted him to stay, but didn't ask. Stupid.

111.10.18

Ran into C in bazaar when I was having breakfast. Cami was yelling a lot and C has headache. C had a bleeding nose, and seemed embarrassed. C very weak and has difficulty walking to docks without help.

Hauled stuff all over Heimatar. Done all the highsec parts. Not sure it was worth it. I am cornering the market in small haulers though.

For a break I was selling jewellery in bazaar. Met nice Gallente man called Jean. He's a chef on a ship, and talked to him about cooking a birthday dinner for F.

Then he invited his friend to join us for coffee - turned out to be blooder lady. Her name is Mally. And then he says he works for a pirate!

I lied about needing to check the ship and ran away. I cancelled the dinner. I'll find something else to do for F's birthday.

The bazaar is feeling less safe.

111.10.17

Went to the Mall in Luminaire to see about Caldari clothes. Big mistake.

Saw Cia. She's looking sicker. We talked. About F, and stuff. she doesn't seem think first time is special. That even if it's not with the one it can be worth it.

Cia thinks she's dying. She seems almost at peace with it. A bit lonely though. Going to visit for dinner sometime.

111.10.15

Did dinner with F - was nice. He wants to go to O school if he can be a good one. He's nervous. A told him he's not fit for duty, and he respects her a lot. I told him A has similar problem to him, and if she can cope, so can he.

If he goes, will leave in about a month. I'm going to visit Lustrevik a lot. He likes the idea of me moving a jump clone to where his school is.

He didn't mind bald new jump clone. I think I'll grow my hair anyway. I got him to relax a bit. He held my hand like he meant it.

111.10.14

Trying out new jump clone. Not just bald. No hair anywhere. Need a hat.

Doing dinner with F. Will talk to him about officer school.

111.10.13

Saw H in bazaar. Think she was looking for me. Says F been offered officer training but not accepted yet.

H says it would help him with his problem. That he might feel safer after. But F maybe not saying yes because doesn't want to leave me. Training would be in Caldari space somewhere.

Maybe if I promise to visit? I have a jump clone now.

111.10.12

I think I have stuff in every system in Heimatar now. Most of it is small lumps, especially in lowsec.

Need to gather it all together and find someone to refine the loot for me.

111.10.11

Met pregnant podder in Rens with nice name. Sold her a hair piece. Doing some design stuff for her.

Sold a bunch of stuff - corp wallet is looking much healthier. I could replace Stranger if I lost her now.

Haven't really spent much time with F. Should see if he's interested.

111.10.09

Bought jump clone. Deciding whether it's safe to use. clone is bald.

Decided to meet more people by selling more jewellery in bazaar. Saw C. She got new jump clone too. Talked about favours. And family and inheritance. She's not pregnant. Just sick, and bald. I think she might be dying.

111.10.07

Started doing more market analysis. Put out a lot of buy orders. Getting good results, but need to go pick them up.

Might have been a mistake to make them region wide.

111.10.06

Did a contract for Mr Sparre. Had to risk 90m isk. Got paid 20m profit.

A++ trader, would trade again.

111.10.05

Went to C's party yesterday. Pretty flames. Uneven floor made shoes really unstable. Gave C her blue jewellery, she seemed pleased. Ami introduced me to some people. Might get more jobs.

Left early to meet F in my hangar. Gave him a lift to Rens in my rifter. He doesn't like that it has no guns. He says not safe.

Was slightly awkward. F being too careful. Won't do anything unless I say to.

111.10.04

Made almost 750k isk moving holo movies around lowsec. Then thought, what kind of holos have to be made in lowsec?

Ewwww.

Later decided probably just illegal copies rather than really illegal subjects. Seems plausible, Right?

111.10.03

Made 280k moving 20,000 units of garbage from Atlar to Oddelulf.

The cluster is a strange place.

111.10.02

F said yes. Giving crew Sunday off.

Bit nervous, but excited. I hope it works out Ok.

111.10.01

Talked to F last night. Laid out some rules. He agreed.

I still really like him. I hope I'm not making a mistake.

later:
Ran into C in bazaar. Said F wouldn't really hurt me, he just doesn't know it. She thinks pirates wouldn't blow up haulers though, so I'm not sure I can believe that.

C says the people who are close to them bring them back. Said Amy has same problem, but not to tell anyone.

Arranged that I would skip her party. I'm going to see if F is free that afternoon instead.

111.09.30

Asked H will I be safe around F. Finally got a straight answer. Not now, not soon.

Met Cia in the bazaar yesterday when getting lunch. She likes red necklace. She looks really sick, but pretending not. Says she's not pregnant.

Have rescheduled XO interview for today.

Mailed F. We have to talk. Need to decide what to say.

111.09.29

Don't want to talk to F yet. Hiding cloaked in space. Sent query to H. She says can't talk about patient details. Says I should keep safe.

F is a nice person. I don't want to abandon him. But I don't want to be dead either.

Why can't H just answer the question?

111.09.28

Asked F to stay again. F had nightmare. Nearly shot me. Very scary. F very sorry.
Couldn't let him leave on his own. F says safe if he doesn't sleep. F stayed awake till morning. Said goodbye at the hangar door.

Don't know what to do. Sent message to H asking for a talk.

Cancelled XO interview. Too tired.

111.09.27

Still sleepy. Did lunch with H in bazaar. H is F's doctor. H says can't talk about F. She teased me
though. Says I should talk to F about when he got hurt.

Hoping to meet F later. Have interview for XO tomorrow.

111.09.26

Slept a lot of the day. Went to the bazaar for lunch and three coffees. Spotted a lowsec hauling contract for 2.5m so did it. Client sent nice mail warning me about pirates. complete stranger convo'd me to offer blue status.

Hired Pama. She has hiring rights for engineering.

Met H again. Blooder lady saw us and cornered us. Called F. He sent station security to make sure we were safe. KJ showed up as well. Felt much safer. H seemed to enjoy talking with blooder lady.

I got away and went back to ship to sleep more. Mailed F and thanked him. Nice dreams.

Hope H is safe - arranged to meet her again for lunch.

111.09.25

Did last minute shopping. F came to dinner. Had ship to ourselves. F still very handsome. Dinner was good, but didn't get as far as dessert.

Still not sure. F very understanding. V nice to hold. F stayed the night. No sleep. Got to see my nice underwear after all.

Cleaning up galley in morning was horrible.

111.09.24

Went shopping for makeup. Ended up buying a lot, but not sure why. Sales person I think.
Got home, looked in mirror, and wiped it all off.

At least I didn't buy any of the perfume.

111.09.23

F said he'd like to see the ship. Friday. Looking at it now, it's a bit grubby. Bother. Ordered food. Told crew to take night off. Slightly nervous.

Met Ms Pama Kitel. Sebiestor. Good Engineer qualifications. Almost as old as Ma. Family on Rens - wants to work closer to home. Need to decide in next day or two.

Ran into Helmi in bazaar. Says she's an engine tech. Was scoping out sight lines. Says I should keep practicing shooting as sometimes you have to kill people. Can't tell what she's thinking.

111.09.22

Market orders very quiet. Need to put in more time. Nearly finished C's necklace.

No answer from F. He's probably busy.

Interviewing potential chief engineer tomorrow.

111.09.21

Have started process to hire new crew from agency F recommended.

Sent F an invite to dinner. He said yes. Now have to decide where.

Have invited him to a restaurant in Rens, or Stranger in the Dark. I wonder which he'll choose.

111.09.20

Went to Crystal boulevard. Got pretty hair cut. Met Cia and Helmi. Cia showed me shop on top level. Interesting. Bought some nice underwear and a massager. Nice Gallente lady offered to give me a massage, I declined.

Cia lent me a book on sex, with pictures and instructions. Must invite Fisk to dinner sometime.

111.09.19

More deliveries. Went to Crystal boulevard again. Bought Holo camera to take pictures of waterfall. Met a Mary nun. Says she's not that sort of nun. Said I should buy F a hat.

Flew back to Rens. Met A in Bazaar. Went clothing shopping. A says not to show F my underwear unless we're in a secure relationship and intimate.

Introduced KJ to A. Took picture of them together.

111.09.18

Shopped for present for F. Failed.

Carried a load of missiles and ammo to Luminaire. Pay is Ok.

Met bunch of people in Bazaar - Cia, Cami, CJ, KJ, Kenpatchy. Suspect Cia fancies KJ. Cia's party maybe in 2 weeks.

Visited Crystal Boulevard shopping for present for F. Other shoppers gave friendly advice. Suggested fancy underwear for me = present for F. Not sure about that.

111.09.16

Met Andy in Bazaar. A's doing combat missions. Killing people. She's only had her licence a couple of days.

She said I was cool. WTF?

111.09.14

Paid 800k to scout for a BS and shift an Inty for Ulphus through lowsec. Easy money.

111.09.13

Went to dinner with F in a nice restaurant. Wore dress and high-heels. Very unsteady. F very handsome in uniform.

Went dancing afterwards. F surprised me with Zero-G dancing. Dress not such a good idea, but worked around it with help from F. Very nice.

111.09.12 later

Went shopping for dresses again. Met new Caldari pilot. Andy someone. She's very bouncy but knows about dresses. Bought 2 dresses, shoes and handbag.

111.09.12

Went shopping for dresses. Failed.

111.09.11

Walked through bazaar with F. Told him about accidentally telling C. No problem. Tell him about C's party. He looked worried.

Told F about leaving family. F told me story of Otro who was banished but saved corp. said maybe I'm my clan's Otro. Seems unlikely.

He saw bad-guy in bazaar with gun, pushed me behind him to protect me. Got slight bruise where he grabbed my arm. He's very strong. Asked if he would dance with me at party. He said maybe. Invited me to dinner and dancing instead - just us. I said yes.

F's birthday in 5 weeks. Must get present. Favourite colour brown.

111.09.10

Met Cia and Amy. Told them about F. Turns out F works for Cia. Oops. Accidentally let slip that he's teaching me to shoot. hope he doesn't get in trouble.

Cia invited me to a party. She's turning 21.

Amy said shooting people is easy - just need practice.

111.09.07

Put market orders for ships. Got 5 Wreathes at 1000 isk each. No other luck though.

111.09.04

Met F again. He bought me a present. A gun. Not sure about that. He taught me to shoot a bit.

2 in stomach 1 in head makes person really dead.

Had to promise not to carry gun unless sure I would shoot someone.

111.09.03

Started smiling at people randomly. Was fun. Almost made poor man drop his gun in shock. Cadari. Name is Fisk. Has stutter, but handsome. Was buying a gun for his boss. She's a podder called Ross. offered to teach me to shoot. Let me have a go with practice rounds. Guns are heavy.

F got killed when his pilot kidnapped. F had backup. Did experimental stuff to try to get memories of who did kidnap. Worked but F damaged. Nice smile.

111.09.02

Sell more jewellery. All good.

111.09.01

Sneaking through bazaar making sure no blooder lady. Met old Caldari woman - Sarah? S trying to buy dress to go to dinner with Ulphus. Knows less than me. Friend of Amy. I help. She seems lonely. Gave her necklace to match dress.

111.08.28

Met H and Amy for fish dinner in bazaar. H told me she got job. With Cia! old Mary woman showed up. She played with her knife. H looked nervous. I asked Mary to please put away. H seems always hungry. gave her some of my dinner. Cia showed up. Mary went shopping for more knives. Cia said Mary was blooder.

Amy very unhappy. Say I should stay away from her. H and Cia had argument. H smokes.

111.08.27

Met a mary called Mather. I'd seen him round He said he was a friend of Cia. But she thinks Pirates are nice. He's full of shit. Say's he's a nice Mary loyalist.

111.08.26

Met Cia again in bazaar. She thinks Verone is nice and wouldn't blow up a hauler. She's crazy. She said she also hired H. Probably a good move.

111.08.25

Met H again. And Amy. Had dinner and went to Lenfa's. Amy said SN would have paid 10 million isk. Fuck. Amy left. H scar on her hand where old boyfriend stabbed her. boyfriend was arsehole - set fire to house while H was pinned to table by knife. decided to become head doctor after.

111.08.24

Cia brought blue silk to match new jewellery against.

Did job for SN. 2 million isk. Alright.

111.08.23

Met a young Mary woman. Sold her overpriced necklace with DHT. Didn't like her.

111.08.22

Met Cami. About 10, gallente girl. bought necklace. good bargainer. wants to be a marine. Has big sister Cia. Cia bought some jewellery and ordered some more. Cia and Cami have body guards.
Must be rich.

Met Amy. Metal arms. friend of Cia. Older. ordered a pendant to match arms. Amy asked for card, will get boss to give me work.

111.08.19

Hanging around Bazaar. Met another Vherokior. H. H has scar on hand. Seems poor, but she's
applying for a job with podder. Head doctor. Gave H a brooch for luck. V cute. a few years older than me. looks a lot like me.

111.08.10

Did job for caldari lady in EM - Caranela. delivering stuff to CVA nullsec. Charged lots.

Threw in insta-undock bookmarks. got paid bonus!

111.06.17

Did job for CJ. lowsec hauling. CJ is getting own mastadon. No more jobs.

111.06.13

Did job for CJ. lowsec hauling.

111.06.07

Did job for CJ. lowsec hauling.

111.06.06

Did job for CJ. lowsec hauling. Pay is good.

111.06.04

Met CJ. Brutor lady. doing mining in lowsec. Did job for CJ. lowsec hauling.

111.04.12

Did job for Eva. Might get discount on prowler.