I went to see C. Asked her why she told F he was a charity case. She says he wouldn't go to pilot school if she didn't push him, and it wouldn't be good for him to watch her die. C said he'd already paid so much for her, dying, remembering dying, the experiments V did on him. But it's like she doesn't think he can make his own decisions.
Because she thinks he's in love with her. I suspected that once, but F said no.
I think maybe she loves him back, a little bit. And she wants him to not think she's so great when she finally dies, so he doesn't pine after her.
Maybe she wants him not to like her so much because she's trying to be nice to me.
It hurts, and I'm confused. I want to be angry with C, but I think she hurts too. She really is trying to do the right thing.
I went round to F's place afterward. I wanted to feel better - to feel like he's mine.
I have to apologise to him.
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