112.09.07

Planetary Investment seems like mistake. I feel tied to the planet, instead of free to roam. And it's not even the system I want to call home.

Thinking of pulling up stakes

112.07.29

Bought apartment with F. Needs decorating. Has big bath.

112.06.27

Started running an oxygen extraction facility. Of course, now market has crashed.

F has been working hard. Looks tired. Need to help him relax more.

Bought lots of minerals for client to be delivered in lowsec. Holding on to them while they get the isk together. Now market is crashing. Might be about to lose isk. Not sure. Won't be broke regardless.

Must remember not to get tied into shipping on spec again.

112.06.19

F decorated his apartment with flowers of light. Very romantic.

Talked about visiting his parents. Asked whether they would approve if I moved in with him. He said not important. I'm his CEO - I could order him to let me move in.

I don't want to order him. I want him to want me to.

F said I shouldn't move in with him. That we should find a new place together.

I want somewhere with a window. And a big bed.

112.06.08

Back a week after holiday cruise with Fisk. Still feeling very relaxed.

Have to get back into purchasing. Have delivered a couple of runs into lowsec, but haven't been able to reach Eva to find out if she's still interested.

Not sure there's really isk in buying and shipping Tritanium. Still considering.

112.04.30

Visited H. Seems very happy, no matter what. I think she's being drugged.

A was there, but she left early. I think shes bothered by H being drugged.

Ms Kor-Azor showed up. Didn't want to talk in front of her. K-A organised the rescue of H, with help from CJ and a bunch of Mary names.

C seems to have contacts in lots of places.


112.04.26

C has found H. C asked if I wanted to visit. Maybe trying to convince me I shouldn't.

H is in hospital, drugged.

I should see her. I owe it to her to face that.

112.04.25

Ran into a Phobos Heavy interdictor on a gate in lowsec. He was a criminal. Tried Microwarp cloak trick and escaped.

This run is getting more dangerous.

112.04.15b

Doing hauling for Benito again. Still finding a new rate for charging for lowsec jobs. He's kind of cute.

Still need to finish negotiation over the mineral contract. Could be lucrative.

112.04.15

Arranged to deliver food to Arzad and meet Hiri. Found shuttle wreck instead. Rescued some passengers - ex-slaves. They say H still alive, but taken.

Told F. he's talking to the people I rescued now. Got trapped in Lowsec for a bit being chased by a pirate.

Told C. she's trying to find out who took H.

I hope she's safe.

112.04.14

Back to hauling. New ship flies well. Different sort of defence; much more cargo volume.

Got noticed by a pirate. He had a spy in the intel channel and objected to me telling everyone he was there. Must be more careful. Be the Grey Lady.

Could be about to get regular hauling deal. Still negotiating rates.

112.04.08

F wants me to meet his parents.

That sounds important. I hope they like me.

F says since I'm a CEO I'll be important in the State. They like CEOs there apparently.

112.04.07

Been lazy. Or busy. F still working in the Republic, so not much time to write.

Not really regretting it though. Will try to back-date to fill in gaps.

112.03.25

50 out of 50 in basic pistol range in 3 minutes.

Getting better.

112.03.12

Went to watch F and H fight. Sparring they call it. Not nice. Think they actually try to hurt each other.

Don't need to do that again.

112.01.24

C invited me to a Girls Night Out. Bought new dress for it. Lots of people there from her alliance. Met Eva and Else and CJ and Amie and Mata and Mary and some other people.

Gave Mata her necklace. Think she liked it.

Drank too much. C bought lots of Champagne and I got a drink with layers.

There was dancing. Lots of cake. And talk about sex with different flavours of icecream. Memory is a bit hazy there.

Didn't feel so good when I got back to my ship.

112.01.20

It was a good holiday. Relaxing. Got a bit sun-burnt. F had to rub lotion on. It was very nice to be looked after, but servants feel odd. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be rich.

Came back to find Benito gave me 3m isk for hauling for him. That was nice of him. I gave him self-judgement and he was honourable. I'll work with him again.

112.01.16

Going for a holiday. F surprised me with tickets. We're going to Matar. To a resort.

Had to buy a swimsuit. We're leaving tomorrow.

Time together with just me and him. No chasing off to help C.

That makes it sound worse than it was. I'm glad C is healthy now. It was right for F to go and help. But I'm glad he's back.

112.01.14

Got an approach from a new pilot. Benito. Moving some minerals for him in lowsec.

Seems ... nice. slightly awkward.

Had no idea what to charge him.

Have done the move. Will leave it up to him what to pay me.

112.01.12

Got a job offer to move some stuff in lowsec. Looks like bulk hauling. Not sure blockade runner is best choice but don't want to take mammoth down there.

Gave a price. Will see what happens.

No sign of space nun.

112.0.07

F was looking for things to do in Heimatar. I got AD to loan him a Raven. AD joked about offering F a job.

Thought about it a bit. Decided to mention it to F.

He said yes. Then I found out I had to fill out some paperwork, and sit a course on "cultural sensitivity" before Concord would let me hire F, cos he's Caldari.

Oh well, done now. F joined, and is wearing the patch I designed on the shoulder of his uniform.

Invited him to dinner. F joked about being taken advantage of by his boss. Will people really think that?

Still, nice dinner. Nice after dinner too.

112.01.06

Trip to Jita didn't pay off yet. Maybe I need to tweak the prices a bit?

C is really sick. She's had doctors all through. Her XO quit too. Helmi got put in the brig. F says she was almost going to shoot C's XO.

Met some strange lady in bazaar. Must remember to fix her medallion. Its bronze, shouldn't be too hard, but might look odd. I think she's a nun.

112.01.04

C went anyway. She ignored F. Something went wrong. I don't know what.

F says C's crew have been stood down. But that nobody died. H's been suspended for some reason - that means nobody's watching C! F isn't very happy.

Did a run to Jita just for me. If it works I'll make 30 million isk. Used to think it was a long way to go, but perhaps I'm getting used to it.

112.01.03

Met F in Rens yesterday. Told him about C's job. He's thinks I'm brave, and he's proud of me.

Things not good with C - lost her doctor and engineer. She's sick. Her crew is confused and C can't make decisions.

F says she could use a friend.

Today I went to visit C. She paid extra for the deliveries, since being super-careful made it take longer. I did get her to order Helmi not to call me "Maaam". C has a fever, and looks really sick, and tried to pay me twice, or three times, cos she forgot she already did.

She drank a little bit of water and then threw up bloody water.

Then she said she was leading a fleet out. I asked her not to. She should be in hospital. She can't remember what she did 5 minutes before. She could make a mistake and lose her ship and her crew.

She wouldn't listen to me.

After I left I sent mail to F, and A, and Mr Night. Asking them to stop her from flying when she's that sick. F said he'd try. A said there was nothing she could do.

I'm watching the news carefully. I hope nothing goes wrong.

112.01.01

Happy new year. Thought I'd try the run while people were off drinking. Still lots of people on gates, looking suspicious.

Dropped F's gift off to him in Haajinen. He wasn't there. Probably out working.

Delivered all C's stuff safely. Was quite stressful. If something went wrong, I couldn't have made it right.

Jump cloned back to F's station after the job. Wanted something fun. F had just left for Heimatar! He came back though.

He said he had to go home - to C's ship - it was urgent. He was needed.

C is still home for him. What does that make me?

He looked torn. Like he didn't want to have to choose between me and C. He said he's mine. He still has a feeling of duty though. That's part of him I don't want to change.

I told him to go.

111.12.31

Doing work for C. She looks ill. She asked me to move stuff from Jita to Heimatar. Stuff worth a lot of isk.

It's nice to be trusted. It's important to be trustworthy. I get to fly past F's home.

111.12.24

Got job into warzone. Delivering Frigates and modules to Dal. Amamake wasn't as scary as I thought.

Decided to train for a Fenrir.

111.12.13

EM has joined the Tribal Liberation Front, and they need equipment moved.

Moving ships and equipment to Amo, for the War.

111.12.07

Started practicing shooting again. Want F to be proud of me.

Surprised F with a visit to Haajinen. It was his old body; the one with the wirings. F was V nervous, and more embarrassed about his talking than he was before I'd met him in his new clone. It's still F though. Still handsome. Still nice.

Went to a restaurant, and a walk. To see what the Home Guard station was like. He wanted me to like it I think. Mostly I liked walking with F.

Had hotel suite for weekend. F won't stay in same room in that clone. Still, it's nice to spend time. To talk, even if slowly. Maybe better slowly. Less small talk. More important stuff.

Left the jump clone in Haajinen. Jumped back to Heimatar. Now we can visit on weekends in either direction.

111.11.27

F is visiting again. Met him in the bazaar before dragging him off to a hotel. He didn't struggle much. He sleeps better out of his combat clone. Enough better to stay the night. He woke up once, shivering, but knew where he was. That he was with me. It's nice to be the strong one sometimes. To hold him when he needs it.

Been thinking about something C said. About being ready to do the things you want to happen. If you want to eat meat, you need to know the cost, and maybe pay the cost. If you want someone to fight pirates, maybe you need to be prepared to fight pirates. F said he wants me to be able to defend myself, not necessarily to hunt pirates. Maybe that's a compromise?

F told me there wasn't anyone else, that he is all mine. I guess he thought I needed the reassurance. Maybe I did. It was nice to be told.

He's doing well in his classes. He'll graduate sometime soon. Maybe he'll move back to Heimatar. I'd like that.

111.11.24

F is back at school.

He was definitely more relaxed. Piloting is good for him. Hope he can go a week with no nightmares.

Maybe next time I'll visit him.

111.11.20

He's back! In a jump clone. And he can talk properly!

I think a jump clone is good for him. He doesn't seem so tense, even around C.

He doesn't have to be back at school for a couple of days. Good.

111.11.18

I'm not going to pine. I'm going to do stuff.

Sold a bunch of minerals in Hedal. Nice profit.

I went to the bazaar and tried to sell jewelery. Nobody bought anything, but it was nice being there. Eating Koftes and watching the crowd.

111.11.14

F left today. He's gone to pilot school. I got to hug him goodbye, and hardly cried at all.

It'll probably be at least two weeks before I get to see him again. He'll be learning new things and meeting new people. He might not even have time to miss me.

I did two trips to Jita today. I had lots of time to miss him.

111.11.12

Went to apologise to F. He said I didn't need to. That when I needed something of him, I had the right. He called me his sweetheart.

He's going away in a couple of days, and I don't know when I'll see him again. I wanted to tell him how I feel. Couldn't find the right words. He told me he knew, and that I knew how he felt. I'm worried about losing him, but he told me I wouldn't.

He sat me on his knee and held me for hours. It felt safe.

111.11.11

I went to see C. Asked her why she told F he was a charity case. She says he wouldn't go to pilot school if she didn't push him, and it wouldn't be good for him to watch her die. C said he'd already paid so much for her, dying, remembering dying, the experiments V did on him. But it's like she doesn't think he can make his own decisions.

Because she thinks he's in love with her. I suspected that once, but F said no.

I think maybe she loves him back, a little bit. And she wants him to not think she's so great when she finally dies, so he doesn't pine after her.

Maybe she wants him not to like her so much because she's trying to be nice to me.

It hurts, and I'm confused. I want to be angry with C, but I think she hurts too. She really is trying to do the right thing.

I went round to F's place afterward. I wanted to feel better - to feel like he's mine.

I have to apologise to him.

111.11.10

F mailed me. He's moved. He's got his own place. Not very nice, but it's his.

C told him she didn't want to keep supporting him as a charity case, so he quit. He's hurt, but putting on a brave face.

She told me once she owed him. That she'd always owe him; for dying for her, and getting damaged trying to save her. It doesn't seem fair. She's dying. All he wants is to wait until she's gone, so he can pay his respects.

He's been accepted for pilot training, and he won a scholarship based on his test scores. Now he's not working for C, he's decided to go soon, so might be gone in a few days.

But I'll see him again soon. KK like him, so they'll let him have a jump clone almost straight away.

And it's worth the trip. F reminded me.

111.11.08

Met C in the Bazaar. Helmi was with her. C said I should get some more security. I asked if I had a security team would they have let me talk to F? Helmi said no.

I'll be careful, but I will not miss out on the good things because I'm scared of the bad things.

She warned me about a man called Vikarion. V has been experimenting on a copy of Cia, clone jumping himself into her old body. He's crazy. She said I should be careful and get away if I met someone who looked like C who didn't know me.

I asked if this was the man who experimented on F. C said yes.

If I see him, I'll know what to do.

111.11.05

I ache. A lot.

Hope F isn't too sore.

111.11.04

F's birthday yesterday. Invited him to formal breakfast in hotel suite.

Was wearing lots of clothes. Let him take them off slowly. Page 34 of C's book says build up can make it better.

Was back in my original body. Wanted it to be special. Had to explain why. Men.

After first time, shared big bath. He rubbed my feet in the bath. Talked a lot. Very romantic.

Impressed with F's stamina and what book calls "recovery time". Is 6 times in one day a lot?

Had two rooms booked in suite. Invited him to stay. He looked nervous. Said yes. Locked his door. He woke me up this morning. Very nice. I like waking up with him.

111.11.1

F called me, asked to meet. He was talking to the blooder lady when I showed up. Warning her off from talking to me.

Took him back to my place again. Was worried about whether he'd still be interested - silly, he was definitely interested. He accidentally ripped my shirt getting it off me. Then got all scared to touch me again. I got to touch him instead.

Must thank C for lending me that book.

111.10.31

Met F in bazaar. Took him home. Was saving it for his birthday, but he was very convincing.

I'm not sure what I expected. F was sweet. Very nice. Ruined it by bursting into tears. Just overwhelmed.

F left not long after. Didn't want to fall asleep again. Don't really blame him, but missed him anyway.

111.10.29

Corp cash approaching one billion. Now A.D. wants to buy a golem. HFR. Will have to keep tax rate up while he's working for Brutor Tribe to pay it back.

Have lots of stuff spread around Heimatar that I need to pick up sometime.

Still, can afford to sponsor restaurant for J if he does a good business plan.

111.10.26

Can't find A. Haven't seen her for weeks.

Met J in Bazaar. Talked some more. He's trapped working for a pirate. With a blooder on crew. He wants to be chef and run a restaurant.

Have offered to invest if he gets good business plan. Give him a way out.

Sometimes people need a way out.

111.10.23

Went to dinner at C's. Talked to Cami about business plans. Cami is very clever, but I think I showed her some new tricks.

Shouldn't have drank wine. Not used to it. Definitely shouldn't have drunk Sherry.

C said I should be friends with A. A's going to need friends.

F walked me back to my ship. I wanted him to stay, but didn't ask. Stupid.

111.10.18

Ran into C in bazaar when I was having breakfast. Cami was yelling a lot and C has headache. C had a bleeding nose, and seemed embarrassed. C very weak and has difficulty walking to docks without help.

Hauled stuff all over Heimatar. Done all the highsec parts. Not sure it was worth it. I am cornering the market in small haulers though.

For a break I was selling jewellery in bazaar. Met nice Gallente man called Jean. He's a chef on a ship, and talked to him about cooking a birthday dinner for F.

Then he invited his friend to join us for coffee - turned out to be blooder lady. Her name is Mally. And then he says he works for a pirate!

I lied about needing to check the ship and ran away. I cancelled the dinner. I'll find something else to do for F's birthday.

The bazaar is feeling less safe.

111.10.17

Went to the Mall in Luminaire to see about Caldari clothes. Big mistake.

Saw Cia. She's looking sicker. We talked. About F, and stuff. she doesn't seem think first time is special. That even if it's not with the one it can be worth it.

Cia thinks she's dying. She seems almost at peace with it. A bit lonely though. Going to visit for dinner sometime.

111.10.15

Did dinner with F - was nice. He wants to go to O school if he can be a good one. He's nervous. A told him he's not fit for duty, and he respects her a lot. I told him A has similar problem to him, and if she can cope, so can he.

If he goes, will leave in about a month. I'm going to visit Lustrevik a lot. He likes the idea of me moving a jump clone to where his school is.

He didn't mind bald new jump clone. I think I'll grow my hair anyway. I got him to relax a bit. He held my hand like he meant it.

111.10.14

Trying out new jump clone. Not just bald. No hair anywhere. Need a hat.

Doing dinner with F. Will talk to him about officer school.

111.10.13

Saw H in bazaar. Think she was looking for me. Says F been offered officer training but not accepted yet.

H says it would help him with his problem. That he might feel safer after. But F maybe not saying yes because doesn't want to leave me. Training would be in Caldari space somewhere.

Maybe if I promise to visit? I have a jump clone now.